Just for Fun

  

Drums:
Q: How do you know if a drummer is knocking on your door?
A: He knocks too loud and comes in early.

Q: How can you tell the drummer died?
A: He stopped speeding up.

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.

Q: What's the last thing a drummer says before leaving the band?
A: 'Hey, guys - listen to this song I wrote'.

A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So, the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4s of your brain!" The guy said, "Uh, that's okay. Got some sticks?"

Bass:
Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Never mind. The piano player can do it with his left hand.

Q: What's the first thing a bass player says when he knocks on your door?
A: "Pizza's here!"

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1...5...1, 1...4...5...5...1, oh hell, let's just play in the dark!

Q: Why are musician jokes all one-liners?
A: So bass players can understand them.

Q: If you throw a singing bass player and a singing tambourine player off a tall building, who'll hit the ground first?
A: Who cares

Q: Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A: He had to break the window to get the drummer out!

Guitar:
Q: How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?
A: Shoot One.

Q: What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common?
A: You know it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it.

Q: How do you know when the stage is level?
A: The guitarist is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just steal somebody else's light.

Q: In the 22nd century, how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source?
A: Five. One to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.

Piano:
Q: Why are a pianist's fingers like lightning?
A: Because they rarely strike in the same place twice.

Q: Why was the piano invented?
A: So that musicians would have a place to set their beer.

Singers:
Q: How does a singer change a light bulb?
A: They hold it and everyone else revolves around 'em.

Q: What's the difference between a singer and a toilet?
A: A toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it.

Q: How do you know if a singer is at the front door?
A: They can't find their key.

Q: What's the difference between a puppy and a singer-songwriter?
A: Eventually the puppy stops whining.

Misc:
Heard about the new Beatles album? They've gone all 'Drum 'n'Bass'...

Q: How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One to actually change it, 2,000 to take pictures of it, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

Q: What did the Deadhead say when he ran out of weed?
A: This music sucks!

Q: What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?
A: Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

Q: What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Son: "Mother, I want to grow up and be a rock-n-roll musician". Mother: "Now son, you have to pick one or the other. You can't do both".

Two musicians are driving down a road. All of a sudden they notice the Grim Reaper in the back seat. Death informs them that they had an accident and they both died. But, before he must take them off into eternity, he grants each musician with one last request to remind them of their past life on earth. The first musician says he was a Country & Western musician and would like to hear eight choruses of 'Achy-Breaky Heart' as a last hoorah! The second musician says "I was a violinist... kill me now!"

Q: What would a musician do if he won a million dollars?
A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.

Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: "We make the best violins in Italy." The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: "We make the best violins in the world." Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: "We make the best violins on the block."

Saint Peter is checking IDs at the Pearly Gates, and the first one in is a corporate executive. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter. The executive says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels-- I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations." St. Peter says, "Well now, that's quite impressive, but I don't see where you contributed to humanity. I'm afraid you'll have to sit out here for further evaluation. Next!" The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children." "Wonderful!" says Saint Peter, "But I see here you received a big tax write-off for that and didn't share any of it with your fellow man. Who's next?" The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime, and I really didn't give much to anyone" "Heavens!" says St. Peter. "COME ON IN! By the way... what instrument did you play?"